A Rosy Pink Sunset
by Faeriekit
Summary: If Rose Quartz is selfish, she's been selfish all her existence. [A "I watched A Single Pale Rose and got mad about people's reactions" fic, probably more than a little AU, spoilers ahead]
1. The First and Final Chapter

**I keep seeing people being rude to Pink Diamond for being an actual character with real character flaws so screw that here's some fic. It's probably AU but screw it I'm jumping on this bandwagon. Some lines belong to Rebecca Sugar but so do all these characters and situations. I don't own any concepts either.**

 **I know I haven't updated my actual fic in ages but also consider this: I'm tired and mad**

* * *

Red Diamond was the oldest out of the three diamonds, and although the Diamonds were considered immortal, timeless and undefeatable, time had taken its toll- even on the most durable of gems. Red Diamond, the most ferocious of the rulers of Homeworld, she who waded through battlefronts in lieu of standing back, she who led with her temper, not Yellow's rationality nor Blue's emotionality, would not go down peacefully.

It took another three thousand years before Red Diamond finally admitted her mortality, letting Yellow and Blue combine their three powers into White Diamond's ultimate Gem creation for one last time.

And a seed was made for a new Diamond, a Pearl's seed created as an afterthought.

And Red Diamond's gem was retired, too worn to reform, placed into the center of Homeworld to provide for the Gems forever more- as eventually all the Diamonds would.

The hubbub of the arrival for a new Diamond was tremendous- all any gem, especially high ranking ones- would talk about was about the new Diamond who was made to replace Red, how she would be the new leader, what she would be like, what projects she would lead, how she would change Red's old court. It was the upheaval that hadn't existed since the previous Blue Diamond's overturn, something outside of any living gem's memory.

The due date for the new Red Diamond's emergence would be in a thousand years, and Yellow and Blue paid the incubating planet little mind as they continued their colonization across the galaxy, but it was barely three hundred years before Blue Diamond received a call from a Holly Blue Agate.

An undersized, offcolor Diamond had emerged.

Pink Diamond had been left behind from the beginning.

Bopping about, always asking questions to information she should have been created with, getting in the Diamond's way, getting attached to useless things and being forcibly separated.

Yellow Diamond refused to tolerate her, so Pink spent most time with Blue Diamond's court. Pink Diamond pat Sapphires, prodded Lapis Lazulis, and chased Amethysts, doing everything she could to investigate the Homeworld around her. It was all new to her, exciting! She could meet new gems every day, asking them about their duties and their experiences and their likes and their hobbies, and every gem was different!

Except no, Yellow Diamond was adamant that they were not different. Every gem had its place- and every gem that did anything outside their roles was obviously flawed.

"That's not true!" Pink Diamond protested. "Amethyst 3MN likes to make swings with her whip, and Tanzanite 2EP figured out how to make her arrows in different shapes, and Sapp-"

Every gem Pink Diamond named was shattered immediately. Pink returned to her Palanquin and sobbed, leaking her tears over the floor of her royal transport.

"If Blue Diamond is allowing you such unreasonable emotionality, perhaps you should spend some time with me instead," Yellow Diamond's voice broke into her Palanquin, using that _this is not a request_ tone that pink HATED behind belief, but soon Pink Diamond was on a transport overlooking Yellow's colonies.

And Pink Diamond had some time to herself, some time to master her hovering abilities, her strength (as pathetic as her size made it), her gem making abilities. And sure, she wasn't great at any of it yet, and the expectations placed upon her were unreasonable, and Yellow barely spared her a glance for all that Yellow Diamond was to be in charge of her, and none of the Gems would talk to her as a fellow because of their standing, and Pink was so alone and none of the other Diamonds respected her enough to let her lead her own projects-

"It's not fair! I want _one_!" Pink Diamond screamed. This was enough of being pushed aside, alone and powerless! "I want my own army! I want my own _planet_! I deserve it- I'm just as important as you!"

" **Then why don't you act like it**!" Yellow Diamond thundered.

Pink didn't know why she didn't, or how she didn't, and it's **not her fault** she wasn't made knowing anything, but there's nothing she can do about it and Yellow just wants to shut the bratty Diamond up for once. Pink Diamond was given a little colony called "Dirt" and pre-written plans to colonize- ones that Yellow and Blue both told her she cannot alter under any circumstances.

All she had on Dirt is her palanquin, a pretty Pearl that had been made for her by the previous Red Diamond along with Blue and Yellow- and had _actually_ incubated for full duration- and an army.

So she gets bored very easily.

* * *

Pink Diamond first spent her time tinkering with those "plans she wasn't supposed to alter", swapping out Blue Diamond's Amethyst seeding machines with designs for Rose Quartz soldiers instead, teaching her Pearl how to break rules, and generally looking very pretty so that the other Gems didn't lose faith in the Homeworld rulers. But that got boring too.

Well, if _Pink Diamond_ wasn't allowed to leave her palanquin on her own, then, she wouldn't.

There was, however, a particularly dressy Rose Quartz that appeared newly on the scene of the colony.

And Pink Diamond did not an elegant Diamond make, but did she made a brilliant Rose Quartz. The Coyamito Agate lost control of the soldiers as soon as the pretty, new cut of Rose Quartz appeared on the scene, distracting the soldiers from guarding and the builders from building. In fact, said Rose Quartz could be found most often in the Prime kindergartens, crying the cracked Gems back to health and hiding in the corners with some of the failed models.

And Rose Quartz loved them, the Gems with odd colors, who told bad jokes, whose powers were unique and unusual, who reminded her of the failed, offcolor Pink Diamond. It wasn't a coincidence when they were passed over by the Homeworld Authorities when the Pink Diamond "ordered" inspections.

When suspicion became too great upon Rose Quartz, she hid away in the organic growth, inspecting the living organisms that made up the surface of Dirt.

And some of them _spoke_. And _made things_. Even if they weren't builders! They were just so _versatile_!

Rose Quartz spent ten years with the organic creatures that looked almost like Gems carved from flesh, healing, protecting, feeding, watching them. They started to ask _her_ for help when they needed it, trying to feed her back, being willing to come between her and wild beasts even when they knew she was strong enough to defend herself, smiling up at her, inviting them to her homes, trusting her, hugging her, shouting the name she had given herself, and Pink Diamond thought, oh.

This is what love must feel like.

She returned to her palanquin, her Pearl bowing in welcome, the Gems who didn't know her clamoring to speak to he- to a Diamond in awed adoration Pink had never been given the chance to earn, and Pink Diamond quietly realized that she felt none of that love from her fellow Gems.

That realization stayed until a unevenly-shaped Carnelian asked Pi- asked Rose Quartz to heal a flower she had found (one that had been bruised by the Gem's enthusiasm). As soon as Pink Di- Rose Quartz had healed the blossom, Carnelian gleefully tucked it into Rose's hair and thanked her profusely for keeping the off-colored, malformed Gems in safety.

A Pyrite included Amethyst asked Rose Quartz to help dig new tunnels for the Gems in hiding, making sure the whole time that Rose Quartz ended up with her own little dirt niche, the Bismuth they'd rallied for the job leaving Rose her own "window" of sunlight for the flowers she'd started growing.

An abnormally cowardly Ruby, leftover from the previous Red Diamond's court, made absolutely certain that everyone had their own weapon and training, even if they had to be built when certain Gems had been _conditioned_ not to summon theirs, even making Bismuth forge Rose Quartz her own sword.

And, oh, Rose Quartz realized again, the Diamonds did not love an offcolor, undersized Diamond…but the Gems who knew her did.

When a Jasper found their hideout and demanded their immediate shattering, their burrow flooded with soldiers, _**Rose Quartz**_ could not afford to transform back- what if Yellow Diamond shattered her friends like she had broken Pink Diamond's first friends. Rose Quartz could not, _would_ _not_ , let that happen.

So when her friends faltered, Rose Quartz leapt forward with her sword-

* * *

"Can we retreat?" Pink Diamond asked Yellow over the communicator, only to be dressed down by Yellow for potential cowardice and wasting their time and resources, and of course Pink Diamond couldn't handle a colony, why had Yellow ever trusted her with one?

War was brutal, but it was better than being a vain title with no power to help those she loved.

"Sorry Yellow, they got away," Pink would pout over the communicators, only to wade back into the fight with her sword. It was worth hearing Yellow scream about Pink Diamond's incompetence, worth fighting through Yellow Diamond's criticism and the veiled threats to force Pink to return to Homeworld as a failure. Blue Diamond had no faith in Pink Diamond at all, trespassing on Pink Diamond's colony with no communication beforehand in order to settle the war on her behalf. Neither of them trusted Pink Diamond to finish the war herself; neither of them respected Pink Diamond to listen to her boundaries or plans. Pink Diamond already knew they held little regard for her as their equal, but…it still hurt.

Red Diamond's power had taken the form of a sword, Pink Diamond had been too malformed to make any weapon, but Rose Quartz had found herself summoning a shield to defend those she loved.

The Dirt planet, her friends, the humans, the _life_ she knew to belong to it- it didn't deserve to be destroyed. If the Diamond authority would not retreat on their own, Pink would oust them herself.

Pearl was eager to make herself into something other than a tool and took to combat with grace and elegance. Garnet was a beautiful Gem in love. Rose was more than willing to defend them with her life. Together, the offcolors, the rebels, the misshapen, the defiant- they made up the Crystal Gems, and they defended the Earth.

And they would be successful. Even if-

["As long as you're on Earth," Blue Diamond told Pink, "the rebellion has no chance. They will be shattered for their crimes, and as long as a Diamond is on the surface, Homeworld's troops will succeed"]

-it sacrificed Pink Diamond herself.

And Rose Quartz was a free Gem, standing on her own reputation and successes, loved for what she actually achieved, not her role; able to care for her friends, eager to start the Crystal Gems on their new life finally free-

[and then the sky started screaming, and only a Diamond's power could withstand the powers of the Diamond Authority]

And oh, she thinks, her heart shattering along with her friends: this is what love feels like.

* * *

Rose Quartz was in mourning for a long time. Was it her fault? Why did the Diamonds destroy the Gems of an entire planet? Why didn't they just let them all go? Where did she go wrong? Where had her plan failed? Why? Why? _Why_?

She had to let it go eventually. She had Garnet and Pearl, the two best Gems a person could ask for, and there was still so much work to be done. The shards of the fallen- their destroyed friends, their sacrificed enemies- needed to be bubbled away in safety, lest everyone got hurt. As soon as she found a cure, she would fix it; she promised.

Even now, ground to dust and mutated, Rose would never let them hurt her friends again. Never never never. So they were subdued with time-honed teamwork and only a little bit of crying from everyone, and Rose spent her down time with fun humans their hobbies when she could. It's the only way to cope with the horrors the Diamond Authority slammed upon the planet. The humans are pretty and fun and they do weird things and they grow and die so fast that Rose needs to practically babysit them lest she left for a short trip and they'd die while she was gone.

And she was so jealous of them. She really, really was. She burst from the ground expected to be a fully formed leader and military genius. Human babies are born, expected to _become_ , not _be_ , designed to grow and change with time.

Rose wasn't sure she could change. She was trying. But Gems were not meant to change- their entire existence was meant to be etched in stone. If she wanted to be a better person, a better leader, a better friend, she had make herself into something new. Isn't that why she had become Rose Quartz?

But she was more Rose Quartz than Pink Diamond. Homeworld had not shaped her; war had. Trauma had. Actual leadership experience had. If she never became a Diamond again, she would be happy enough- why else would she have forced Pearl to say nothing?

She meets a tiny Amethyst, and she's so cute and Rose and Garnet and Pearl are happy to make her a Crystal Gem, and Rose is, if not satisfied, content with her life after war.

And then she meets a rock star. And she thinks, _oh_ , this is what love must feel like.

* * *

His name is Greg Universe, and he has long hair and an attitude that won't quit. He's funny, he's kind, and he's good with other human babies-

-but more than that, he does his best to get along with her fellow Gems, tries to learn how to fuse with her, and manages to make her talk more about how insecure she is with her identity, her truest self, something between Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond, someone she'd almost been once upon a time. She wouldn't mind keeping him forever if she could, but human lifespans are finite.

And Greg says that he wouldn't mind children.

And Rose Quartz loves him too much to even consider a "no".

And Rose Quartz is so tired.

So Rose becomes pregnant, and, in a move that is more the insecure, infantile Pink Diamond than the responsible, resilient Rose Quartz, she doesn't tell anyone until she starts showing.

For Greg, it's the most agonizing nine months of his life. For Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst, it's practically a sudden death.

Rose gets that the other Gems don't really get what she's doing. If she could find the words within her to explain, she thinks Amethyst- a fellow undersized Gem- might understand best the longing to match up, to become _more_ than herself better than the others, but Rose can't explain the fullness of her past.

So she records Steven the things she needs him to carry with him- the endlessness of the sea, the groundedness of his father, the love she has for him in all of her forms-

Because Pink Diamond is still underformed. She always will be. Because Pink Diamond is still childish. She always will be. Because Pink Diamond is still, in many ways, a coward. She always will be.

But Steven…he'll be human. He'll grow, change, become anything he wants to be, he'll be loved and supported by his father, he'll be protected and taught by the Crystal Gems, and even better, Steven will be able to decide his own fate. His own role. His own life.

If the Earth was Pink Diamond's to give, she'd trust it to no one besides her son.

The day that Steven is born, no one sobs harder than Rose Quartz. She barely has time to kiss her beloved goodbye and place her hands over her belly before her whole world fades to black-

The children of gods are not given safe passage.

Rose thinks Steven Quartz Universe can handle it anyway.

[And, oh, Rose knows that this is what love feels like.]


	2. What Happens After an Ending?

**I didn't think I was going to make another chapter for this, but, well, I had some extra free time. Don't expect much. Rebecca Sugar owns everything except for my canon mistakes, which she only owns the properties of.**

* * *

Steven dreams.

When he was little, before he knew more about the Crystal Gems, before the Diamond Authority haunted his waking hours, before he had the groundedness in a close partner like Connie, his dreams were silly. Fanciful. Nursery rhymes made up for himself and Crying Breakfast friends, made-up games and a few locals to Beach City.

Now, though, Steven is fourteen, and his dreams touch someth- someone he can't. Curled ringlet hair in the softest of pinks cascades down he- hi- their back, a flowing dress encasing their large form, bare feet making their way across the dirt of a newborn Gem Kindergarten.

Sometimes the dreams are just wisps of a past life: a song Steven doesn't remember writing, a twirl of a skirt in a dance he doesn't know, faces and names that have long since been lost to time. The memories are faint and golden with sunlight, sometimes inaudible, sometimes without vision. But they're there, and Steven wonders sometimes if he dips he feet to deeply into them, that Steven will go away, and something new- neither Rose nor Steven- will surface from his body and grow in his place.

This is a new thought- not one of fear, perhaps, but something deeply unsettling nevertheless. Steven tries not to let it get to him at night, when Pearl and Amethyst and Garnet are out on missions and he's alone, when his Dad doesn't really understand what it means to be something of false form and solid light (not that he really does either), but instead he remembers how natural Lars' body felt stretched over his mind, and he tries to forgive himself for his mistakes.

But tonight, his Dad asleep in his van, the Gems out on chore-shaped missions, Steven is alone in the house. The ocean, older than he or any Gem he knows, sings outside his window, and he feels…restless.

So, Steven digs into his hamburger backpack for his most recent purchase. It's in there somewhere, underneath his spare clothing for missions and Connie's book she lent him a week ago.

Victorious, he fishes out the VHS tape with a grin. What could be better than a garage sale purchase?

With little fanfare and a near miss with the VCR's slot, Steven manages to stick the tape into his TV and press play. He eagerly rocks back onto his bed, adopting the post Garnet had taught Stevonnie while counselling the fusion on mindfulness.

"Welcome to Madame Rodgers' Mystic Mindset series!" The tape blarts out, a cheesy harpsichord jingle jangling in the background. "This week, we'll tackle the Magical Madame's meditation on past life regression! Are you ready? Don't forget to have something to ground yourself with nearby!"

Oh, shoot, what was something grounding? Steven quickly rolls out of his pose and slams the stop button on the VCR, trying to quickly think of something ground like. He didn't want to go grab some dirt from the town- it was way too far a walk for eleven at night- but he did live on a coastline. Was sand good enough?

Unsure, but eager to move along, Steven jogs into the kitchen and digs a novelty cup from Funland out of the sink. (Evidently Amethyst had forgotten the dishes, again. Steven would take care of them later if he remembered to.) A little rinsing, a paper towel, and it was clean enough.

Steven bolts out of the house, still in his pajamas, taking four steps at a time in order to just grab some sand and get back to his plans. Wiping away excess sand from the outside of the cup (Pearl would _scream_ if she had to sweep up any more sand then necessary- it was just _everywhere_ in a beach home-) Steven grins in success.

A few hops up the stairs, and he's back in bed- sand and all. A quick push of the play button, and Steven is back in business.

"Here we go!" Madame Rodgers' VHS tape sings, the jingle finally falling into silence. Now it's only Steven's breathing, the static hum of the VHS tape, and the dull roar of the ocean outside.

"Close your eyes.

"You're falling into your own consciousness, the person you once were. Do you see it? Your hands are not the same- but you recognize them. Your scalp feels different- the hair that falls in your eyeline is strange, but it feels familiar. Where are you? You've been here before. Your body follows the paths you've taken a hundred times before…"

The roar of the ocean, Steven realizes, is deafening. He can't hear the tape anymore, just the ocean, and even the hum of the static is slowly fading away, his breaths no longer reaching his ears. Confused, he opens his eyes-

* * *

And there's the ocean in front of him, glinting in the sunlight, stretching farther than could be seen from even the highest vantage point. Cotton candy hair drifts into his field of vision, and a fuchsia-gloved hand pulls it back behind his ear.

His chest does not rise and fall with breath. The air tastes like salt and decay, something belonging only to the water, and Steven can't help but be moved by the sight of the glittering waves.

"You were right, my Diamond," Steven hears from behind him, in that tone that Pearl only uses in her most vulnerable moments, "It truly is beautiful."

Steven turns with a beaming grin, eager to share more of his excitement with her-

* * *

And then he sees the temple as it must have once been, his house nowhere in sight, Quartzes crawling over the rock in order to carve out the icon of the Gem goddess.

"Wonderful," he hears himself drawl, his voice sounding feminine and musical despite the clear tone of boredom. "It will be _wonderful_ to have a warp station so conveniently close to the Prime Kindergarten. And it's only a few hours in the palanquin to Face 5, how useful."

"Don't worry, my Diamond!" one of the Quartzes shouts from the statue, a wide grin across her face, "the Prime Kindergarten will have its own warp up and running soon! It is to be set up with the best of technology for our Diamond, your shininess!"

Steven sighs- his only breath so far- in response, feeling his hopes of avoiding the project slowly going up into smoke. "Wonderful," he says again, ignoring the Quartz's shushed reprimand from her peers. "I am, of course," he lies, a small sneer twisting full lips, "Satisfied with your competence. Continue."

"Yes, my Diamond!" the Quartzes cheered, and Steven turns around to leave behind the sight of the slowly destroyed mountain-

* * *

-and instead he finds himself inside a house of stick and bark, not rock and crystal, a troubled smile on his face opposite a familiar human woman's soft smile. The woman, his dear friend, reclines on the floor, the image of relaxation, and Steven tries to mimic her- only to sit upright when his dress pulls oddly against his body, his curls brushing the floor. He is too uncomfortable in her- his own skin.

"You cannot love yourself," the woman points out, "If you do not love _all_ parts of yourself. If you are truly so hesitant to embrace yourself, spend some time with the truest you."

Steven's wobbly smile dips into a frown, staring at his bare feet, free of the suited boots of the recognizable Diamond. "How do I do that? The getting to know myself part?" he asks, wiggling bare toes. The woman shrugs.

"How do I know?" the woman asks, rolling her eyes at the ceiling, her bone-beaded dress resettling as the woman changed her position. "Only you will know with time. Find a craft you like. Make your home nice. Embrace your friends and see how they embrace you back. Love the body you are in," the woman suggests, seemingly at a loss. "Have you ever truly looked at yourself?"

Steven found himself staring into the dark bottom of a bowl the woman offered, Rose Quartz's confused reflection glinting on the surface, her shape still new and wrong over his Gem. A short transformation and a steep bend let Pink Diamond's form appear in the bowl without breaking the humans' house, and Steven still couldn't rouse any form of affection for either form, the chosen disguise or the off-color disgrace to the Diamond's Disgrace. Steven made to turn away-

* * *

-and Steven finds himself atop a Homeworld spire, a Topaz calling him from inside, begging him to come down, when Steven just absolutely wants to know if he will float like Red Diamond did when he jumps. He takes the leap into the air, and for a moment, he feels nothing but fear-

* * *

-and he lands in a prototype Palanquin, the walls and ceiling measured for a full sized-Diamond, and Steven feels so alone and exposed inside of it, nothing inside but an undersized, malformed Gem and a single mirror, and Steven can't help but look at his own size, the delicate limbs, the cotton pink hair, the magenta uniform, all just small enough to be cradled in a fellow Diamond's single hand, and weeps. He turns to run out of the transport-

* * *

-and finds himself trapped beneath the dirt of some unknown planet. There is no light. There is no air. There is no warmth- only the coldness of isolation and the darkness of the depths. He knew he was supposed to dig his way out, but Steven also knew that being awake and aware was wonderful, something to treasure, and he wanted to cherish the sensations for a moments longer. The comfort of closeness, the stillness, the sleepiness, are all worth feeling for one last time.

But needs are needs, and he is a Gem, and Gems dig themselves out. It is programmed into them, and he knows it in his innermost core that he must reach the surface. So Steven takes the leap, digging his fingers into the grittiness of the sandy soil….

…only to open his eyes and find his fingers deep in a Funland cup filled with sand, the television casting static shadows on the walls as the ocean called to him from outside.

* * *

He inhaled deeply, chugging breath into his lungs as if he had truly not breathed for the duration of his memories, and coughed. He pulled his fingers out from the cup and walked his way into the bathroom, drowsily washing the sand from his fingers as he tried to remember what he had seen: Homeworld, before the Rebellion, Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond intermingling as a single person, not separate stories.

Steven doesn't know a lot about his mother. Pearl, he thinks knew her the longest, but she doesn't want to talk about the years she spent with Pink, as opposed to Rose, and there are simply some things she can't tell him. Garnet and Amethyst can only tell him about Rose Quartz's past, but that's only part of Mom's story, and although Garnet could add onto Pearl's battle stories, Pink Diam- Rose Quartz was more than her rebellion.

His Dad though, he thinks, might have known her the most…wholly. He loved her, Steven knows that he loved her, but he also saw more sides of her than Pearl or Garnet, more of her doubts, her fears, her reckless decisions. There was no…no worship. No awe of her as a Gem savior.

Steven shuts the water off. To his Dad, she was just Rose.

Maybe, he thinks, he'll ask Dad more about Mom tomorrow.

But, until then, it is two in the morning, and he has combat practice with Connie tomorrow morning. Steven peels off a shirt soaked in sweat, tosses it beside his bed, and shuts off the VCR. The ocean's dull roar faded as he laid his head to his pillow, his eyes shutting from exhaustion, but the noise does not end when sleep comes.

Instead, Steven's dreams are all of a picnic on the seashore, his father, and a belly swollen with pregnancy, all covered by music and laughter.

I love, you, I love you, I love you, Rose whispers to the baby beneath her Gem. I love you more than I could ever say. I love you, Steven.

(More than I could ever love myself.)


End file.
